From: http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/06/gop-candidate-yoga-opens-you-to-satanic-possession/276570/

Practicing yoga is Satanic, it leads to evil just like reading Harry Potter.
--- Father Gabriele Amorth
former Vatican chief exorcist
From: anonymous

CHRISTIANITY - The belief that a Cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father
can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and drink his
blood and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can
remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a
rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree -
yeah, makes perfect sense.
From: http://history-guy.blogspot.com/

As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent
in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission,
as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask
their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak
in the church. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit
a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived;
it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will
be saved through childbearing if they continue in faith, love and holiness
with propriety. 1 Timothy 2:11-15
From: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/21/AR2005122101959.html

[The article is about a Pennsylvania ruling that "Intelligent Design"
is a religious argument, not a scientific one.]

"This decision is a poster child for a half-century secularist reign of
terror that's coming to a rapid end with Justice Roberts and soon-to-be
Justice Alito," said Richard Land, who is president of the Southern
Baptist Convention's Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission and is a
political ally of White House adviser Karl Rove. "This was an extremely
injudicious judge who went way, way beyond his boundaries -- if he had
any eyes on advancing up the judicial ladder, he just sawed off the
bottom rung."
From: http://yro.slashdot.org/yro/04/10/15/1840215.shtml?tid=217&tid=158

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours."
From: Kurt Harlan

See everything, overlook a lot, correct a little.
From: Branden Robinson

A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends
to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
From: http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=02/09/19/157234&mode=thread&tid=146

[ This is a rather nicely recearched comment in a discussion about
using IM style abbreviations in school assignments. ]

Well, actually, no. Languages do evolve, yes, but the purpose of things
like schools is to limit that evolution. If a language evolves too
quickly, it fractures into dialects that eventually become mutually
incomprehensible. Suddenly what were once dialects become completely
separate languages sharing only their immediate ancestor. Think French,
Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese here.

And language serves a far more important purpose than to merely allow
us to communicate with each other. Language allows us to communicate
with our past. (Okay, it's strictly a one-way communication, but
communication nonetheless.) I can go back and read things that were
written five hundred years ago because the modern English language
hasn't changed too much in that time. But going back much further than
that, things get difficult.

Here's a version of the Lord's Prayer published in 1611.

Our father which art in heauen, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in
heauen. Giue us this day our daily bread. And forgiue us
our debts as we forgiue our debters. And lead us not into
temptation, but deliuer us from euill. Amen.

The most notable difference is the use of the letter "u" where we would
use "v." Other than that, this passage is totally legible. It's slightly
under 400 years old.

Here's the same prayer in Middle English, dated around 1384. (Apologies
to anybody whose computer doesn't display the thorn, the eth, or the ae
dipthong correctly. If somebody wants to go through there and add HTML
entities, be my guest.)

Oure fadir þat art in heuenes halwid be þi name; þi reume or
kyngdom come to be. Be þi wille don in herþe as it is doun in
heuene. yeue to us today oure eche dayes bred. And foryeue to
us oure dettis þat is oure synnys as we foryeuen to oure
dettouris þat is to men þat han synned in us. And lede us not
into temptacion but delyuere us from euyl.

This version is pretty radically different in spelling some word choice,
but it's fundamentally recognizable. But look at the same prayer dated
circa 1000.

Fæder ure þu þe eart on heofonum si þin nama gehalgod tobecume
þin rice gewurþe þin willa on eorðan swa swa on heofonum urne
gedæghwamlican hlaf syle us to dæg and forgyf us ure gyltas swa
swa we forgyfað urum gyltendum and ne gelæd þu us on costnunge
ac alys us of yfele soþlice.

Pretty much incomprehensible.

I would say that your typical "1337-speak" version of the Lord's Prayer
would resemble the 600-year-old version more than the other two: it
would be fundamentally comprehensible, but only after certain letter
substitutions are made by the reader. A more exotic rendering using
constructions like "sux0r" (although I know "sucks" doesn't appear
in the Lord's Prayer; bear with me) would quickly start to resemble
the 1000-year-old version.

So there's a good argument to be made that the kind of writing we're
talking about here is surprisingly close to becoming another language
entirely.
From: Chuq Von Rospach

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties
are largely ceremonial.
From: http://www.promotionworld.com/informer/99feb9.html

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me
to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
From: Allen Brown

Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance
for the evil conscience of their parents.
From: Ninure Saunders

"It is interesting, that termites don't build things, and the
great builders of our nation almost to a man have been Christians, because
Christians have the desire to build something.... The people who have come
into [our] institutions [today] are primarily termites ....They are into
destroying institutions that have been built by Christians, whether it is
universities, governments, our own traditions, that we have.... and the
time has arrived for a Godly fumigation."
From: Ninure Saunders

"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the
Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing.
Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist.

I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice
to them."
From: Ninure Saunders

"I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you. I want you
to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good... Our goal is a
Christian nation. We have a Biblical duty, we are called by God, to
conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism."

From: Ninure Saunders

"I would rather see a saloon on every corner than a Catholic in the White
House. I would rather see a n**ger as president."
"Blacks aren't attracted to fundamentalism, and they don't like
discipline."
"The Bible itself is intolerant, and true followers of God's word should
be as well."
From: Allen Brown

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the
sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his
wife is beautiful and his children smart.
From: Allen Brown

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
From: Alan Batie

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
From: Dick Craven

"I may not practice what I preach
but God forbid I should preach what I practice"
From: Matthew Eldridge

If my God wins, you're screwed.
From: Rick Adams

"And after six days, Jesus told him what to do. In the evening, the youth
came to him, wearing a linen robe over his naked body. And he remained with
him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God...."
Smith, M. (1973) _The Secret Gospel_. New York: Harper & Row. in J. Allegro
(1984). _The Dead Sea Scrolls and the Christian Myth_. New York: Prometheus
-----=*@*=-----
Cited in direct violation of the provisions of the Exon Amendment to the CDA
in deliberate violation of federal law (once implemented) as an act of civil
disobedience in support of US Constitutional guarantees of freedom of speech
From: "Ceal"

Marriage is like a hot bath; once you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
From: stewart samuel bushman

The more I study religions the more convinced I become
that man never worshipped anything but himself.
From: David Skogsberg

"Have you ever noticed... whenever God needed a killing... he
sent an angel. Have you ever wondered what a creature like
that must be like? Your whole existence praising your God
but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever
really want to see an angel?"
--- The Prophecy
From: Russell Turpin

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the
point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality."
From: William T

No sooner had Jesus knocked over the dragon of superstition than Paul
set it on its legs again in the name of Jesus.
From: Stephen Carville

What's with this Jesus fellow? It's not a sacrifice if you get to
take it back three days later.
From: anonymous

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give him a religion,
and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
From: David Fetter

"What our children need more than to learn to read and write
and add and subtract is to know Jesus Christ."
From: "Cal..."

2*3*3*37 : The Prime Factorization of The Beast
From: Prince of Darkness

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
From: John Sheehy

Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it.
From: anonymous

When teaching evolution in schools is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve!
From: Dave Palmer

As much as the author would like to spend precious minutes of the
rapidly-dwindling time remaining in his life responding to your
kind and thoughtful letter about how he is going to spend eternity
in a lake of fire being eaten by rats, he regrets that he is unable
to do so, due to the volume of such mail received.
From: Simon H. Garlick

"I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature."
From: Merri Martin

"I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do
not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one
redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and
mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the
introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and
imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one
half the world fools and the other half hypocrites; to support
roguery and error all over the earth."
From: Robert A. Wyatt

"The government of the United States is not, in any sense,
founded on the Christian religion."
From: Gary Ansok

A second Flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere,
Or a cataclysmic earthquake I'd accept with some despair.
But no... You sent us Congress. Good God, Sir, was that fair?
From: Dan Vieira

"My God! This is a revolution! We have to offend someone!"
From: "Ward C. Douglas"

"One useless man is called a disgrace, Two useless men are called
a law firm. Three or more useless men are called a congress."
From: Gerry Roston

From whence, then, could arise the solitary and strange conceit that
the Almighty, who had millions of worlds equally dependant on His
protection, should quit the care of all the rest, and come to die in
our world, because, they say, one man and one woman had eaten an
apple?
From: Gerry Roston

The most detestable wickedness, the most horrid cruelties, and the
greatest miseries that have afflicted the human race have had their
origin in this thing called revelation, or revealed religion. It has
been the most dishonorable belief against the character of the
Divinity, the most destructive to morality and the peace and
happiness of man that ever was propagated since man began to exist.
From: Gerry Roston

Of all the tyrannies that effect mankind, tyranny in religion is the
worst; every other species of tyranny is limited to the world we live
in; but this attempts to stride beyond the grave, and seeks to
pursue us into eternity.
From: Gerry Roston

All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian,
or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up
to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.
From: Daniel A Ashlock

"It is as useless to argue with those who have renounced the use and
authority of reason as to administer medication to the dead."
From: "wayne binkley"

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level then
beat you with experience.
From: Charles Jacob Cohen

"I do not feel obliged to believe that same God who endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect, had intended for us to forgo
their use."
From: the ROYster-Meister

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood,
God's peculiar people."
From: E. Stephen Mack

Sure, I go to church sometimes -- but I don't go religiously.
From: Ken Smith

"God, we know you are in charge, but why don't you
make it slightly more obvious?"
From: Raven

"Call me old-fashioned, but I think the sun is a
powerful god that should be worshipped, and feared.
From: Richard B. Ralston

"Show me someone perfect, I'll show you someone crucified."
From: Todd Federman

"These televangelists say they don't favor any particular
denomination, but I think we've all seen their eyes light
up at tens and twenties..."
From: Jeff Levering

Seen outside of San Diego:
"Doing my part to piss off the religious right."
From: Evan Leibovitch

I've had enough of Jimmy Swaggart and that hornier-than-thou
attitude of his.
From: Don Nichols (DoN.)

Black Holes are where God is dividing by zero.
From: Jeffrey Davis

The world is ugly, the people are sad, and God dressed us funny...
From: Joe Emenaker

"After thinking a lot about the design of the human body, I figure
it's a good thing that God is self-employed, because no company on
EARTH would ever hire him as an engineer."
From: Jerry Kuch

"I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed
with. Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet."
From: Joe Emenaker

"I don't like words. I know how they can be used to deceive.
In fact, speech may have been my greatest creation."
From: Rich Holland

"Jesus saves... but Gretzky gets the rebound! He shoots! He scores!!"
From: Frank Doss

"14. Most people who choose a religion do so without knowing what
the other religions have to offer. But then, once they start
looking at other religions, they do so with a bigotted eye."
From: Jack Mcbryde

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by
not committing them?
All I ask of Thee, Lord
Is to be a drinker and fornicator
An unbeliever and a sodomite
And then to die.
From: Bob Smart

A fanatic is someone who does what he knows that God would do
if God knew the facts of the case.
From: anonymous

"Is this any time to make enemies?"
From: Jesse N. Schell

"No! I said that the dice are playing God!"
From: Stuart Birkett

"Well, you presumably believe that the best solution that this
omnipotent God could find to the problem of Adam eating an apple,
was to pop down to Earth as a man, get nailed to a cross, come alive
again, and then ascend into Heaven. You presumably believe that it
is immensely important to this omnibenevolent God that you believe
the above unlikely tale, else he might toss you into a lake of fire
where there will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth. Try as I
might, I can't see too much reason in this.
From: Alice Hunter

Everybody wants to go to heaven . . . but nobody wants to die.
From: David O Hunt

"If the liberties of the American people are ever destroyed, they
will fall by the hands of the Clergy."
From: anonymous

--
| --+-- | | | | /-+- || ---\ --+-- | --+-- |Yeah, He's still
| --+-- \--\ | | \--\ | -++- |-/ | \--\ | |hanging around
\| --+-- | \--+ | \--- || -+- --+-- | | |weirdos like me.
From: Peter //odin

"Come forth and win my eternal love", God said to Moses.
But, he came fifth and won a toaster.
From: Kenneth Crudup

Religion: The longest-running gag ever played on Mankind.
From: Kelly Martin

We have watched what they will do to the bible, which they allege
to hold as sacred, should we wonder what they will do with mere
secular documents like the constitution.
From: Uncle Fester

: What God Wants : God wants gigolos
: God gets : God wants giraffes
: God help us all : God wants politics
: *thester@nyx.cs.du.edu* : God wants a good laugh
From: Elf Sternberg

Then, I was inspired. God, thy will is hard
Now, I'm sad and tired. But you hold every card.
Listen, surely I've exceeded I will drink your cup of poison.
Expectations. Nail me to your cross and break me.
Tried for three years, Bleed me, beat me.
Seems like thirty. Kill me.
Could you ask as much Take me now.
From any other man? Before I change my mind.
From: anonymous

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things
I can, and the firepower to make a difference."
From: Allen Brown

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a
crime to examine the laws of heat.
From: Scott Benton

The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in
time of great moral crises maintain their neutrality.
From: Utopium Enterprizes

Martyrdom - it's just a stone's throw away!
From: anonymous

"Science without religion is lame,
religion without science is blind."
From: Lee Levine

Born again? Hah! MY Goddess got it right the first time!
From: Russell Turpin

An atheist doesn't have to be someone who thinks he has a proof that
there can't be a god. He only has to be someone who believes that
the evidence on the God question is at a similar level to the
evidence on the werewolf question.
From: Dave Brown

"No vision of God and heaven ever experienced by the most exalted
prophet can, in my opinion, match the vision of the universe as
seen by Newton or Einstein"
From: david gwinup

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
From: Nurse Jones

Still an atheist,
thank God.
From: Joe Faurote

God watches us from a distance, but keeps us within throwing range.
From: Douglas C. Stephens

If you're afraid of dying, they're devils... tearing away your life.
But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels...
freeing you from the bonds of this earth.
From: Stephen H. Underwood

"...your suffering will be legendary, even in Hell."
From: Joel John Bush

Anybody taking what I say as gospel deserves to.
From: Thom Cate

"Jesus loves you; I don't."
From: William T

You are priests, not social or political leaders. Let us not be
under the illusion that we are serving the Gospel through an
exaggerated interest in the wide field of temporal problems.
From: Leonard R. Cleavelin

"They paint you red before they sacrifice you.
It's a different religion from ours -- I think."
From: Jonathan Eifrig

"Take what thou hast and give it to the poor."
From: S. M. Slamon

You've made your bed, that's where you'll lie
No pearly gates when you die,
We tried to teach, you didn't learn
You're goin' down, you're gonna burn!
From: Ms. Margo

**Stupid letter of the month**

>From cs169073@cs.brown.edu:

Oh lovely! I see that you are a person of true worth.
How can you NOT believe in God? You see no reason to
ever get married? How foolish. It is a very
lucrative thing to do, at least economically. Paying
taxes, sharing the rent (if you don't believe in God
you probably rent, too), etc.
From: Martin Steed

Jesus rose from the dead and the apostles came unto him saying
"How's Elvis".
From: Jeffrey J Barbose

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362
admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God
doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more
supervision."
From: Thomas Boutell

"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses
a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."
From: Seth Morabito

"Having a pocket calculator that talks to you is bad enough, but one
that tries to convert me to Christianity -- well, it's just not
natural!!"
From: Firesong

... It's not Christ I dislike, rather his fan club.
From: Peter D. Hampe

The church is near, but the way is icy,
The tavern is far, but I will walk carefully.
From: Jeffrey J Barbose

"God so loved the world that he made up his mind to damn a large
majority of the human race."
From: Niku Toivola

"I have just one question. If Christians are
forgiven, then what the hell is Hell there for?"
From: Kaishakunin

If you see a blind man, run up and kick him.
Why should you be kinder than God?
From: Anton Ertl

Some things have to be seen to be believed.
Most things have to be believed to be seen.
From: Max Harris

"I don't know whether you have any rights before you're born.
All I know is that being born again doesn't entitle you to
twice as many."
From: Mark Linehan

Religion is the myth created by ancient rulers to help govern
the masses in a time when morals and scruples were rare.
From: Reagan Blundell

"I believe that there are forces of light and darkness in the world,
and I don't want to be a contributor to the force of darkness."
From: Thu Feb 25 06:29:38 1993

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.

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